01 January 2012

so, it's a new year

seen over head this afternoon. there was a bowl game here, somewhere, right?
so the first day of the new year is almost over, and I can feel a sense of newness, a sense of urgency, a sense of anticipation and excitement. 

no, really, I can. 

I had a dream 2 nights ago that I was with my high school boyfriend. (he was/is such a great guy.) He looked the same in my dream, as he did when we were together, even though I know he doesn't look like that now. similar, but not the same. I kept thinking of how wonderful it was to be with him again (those were some of the best times of my life), but how it just didn't feel quite right. similar, but not the same. 

I'm a big believer in that your dreams tell you things. Even if you don't believe so at the moment. Take a breath, a step back, and then come back to the dream, look at it from a different angle, and it will tell you something.

the thing I kept coming back to was that "you can't go back".

I can't go back to him, or what it was like with him. Just like I can't go back to what my life was like just over a year ago. It's not the same. similar, but not the same. that sameness can never be found again. I am not the same as I was last year at this time. I've grown, learned a few things, taken a few hard knocks, and I can't go back. As difficult as that is, because we all have nostalgia for "the way things were" and are sentimental about how good/easier/simpler things used to be, you can't go back. Now is the time to press on. To grow, to expand, to take the knowledge that I now have and put it to use. It's doing no good just sitting around. Like old photographs that need to be put in an album to be appreciated, this knowledge and energy needs to be used to be appreciated. Once put in the album, it can be looked at over and over again, appreciated, studied, and learned from.

it is no longer time to go back. move forward, onward and fearlessly. 

here is to 2012.


lynsey said...

I whole heartily agree, wise words indeed, wishing you strength and happiness in 2012

Lori Anderson said...

I have dreams like that and sometimes they're so real I wake up all messed up. I agree, you can't go back.