27 January 2012

quote of the day

I've had trouble doing this for most of my life. I build these scenarios in my head of what *may* happen, what I *would* say, how it would all play out; what everyday things need to be done: sand and repaint that part of the wall, caulk this, shred that, reorganize and remove this *and* that...it gets exhausting and then I feel overwhelmed and don't want to do any of it, but then I always feel so much better when I do.

so now I write my notes, make my list, and put it aside for the moment. I remind myself to enjoy the here and now, because it will never come again. Sure, I need to vacuum all the dog and cat hair that is now turning into a birds nest in that corner of the living room, but puppies and kittens are all lying near/on/around me, and I feel the love, and this moment may never come again. So I let the birds nest grow to an eagles nest and lie there with kittens and puppies and feel the love. 
(the eagles nest eventually *does* go outside, just so you know.)

I do have so many things going on now (like all of us), so I remind myself not to be anxious, because after all, even at the end of our life, there will always be things left to do. 

may we all be at peace today.

23 January 2012

Monday motivation

What motivates me lately?

Getting my studio space organized

Rehabilitating our new dog

My middle aged flab around the middle (never thought I would say that, or be this age, but there are worse things, right?)

My vegetable garden

Learning all the features of my tablet, besides web surfing, blogging and twitter

My savings account, or lack thereof

And this is just part of the top 10.

Needless to say I have been a bit preoccupied lately and distracted as well. I am pulling myself together, and remembering to have patience with myself.
Hoe you have patience with yourself today, and always.

01 January 2012

so, it's a new year

seen over head this afternoon. there was a bowl game here, somewhere, right?
so the first day of the new year is almost over, and I can feel a sense of newness, a sense of urgency, a sense of anticipation and excitement. 

no, really, I can. 

I had a dream 2 nights ago that I was with my high school boyfriend. (he was/is such a great guy.) He looked the same in my dream, as he did when we were together, even though I know he doesn't look like that now. similar, but not the same. I kept thinking of how wonderful it was to be with him again (those were some of the best times of my life), but how it just didn't feel quite right. similar, but not the same. 

I'm a big believer in that your dreams tell you things. Even if you don't believe so at the moment. Take a breath, a step back, and then come back to the dream, look at it from a different angle, and it will tell you something.

the thing I kept coming back to was that "you can't go back".

I can't go back to him, or what it was like with him. Just like I can't go back to what my life was like just over a year ago. It's not the same. similar, but not the same. that sameness can never be found again. I am not the same as I was last year at this time. I've grown, learned a few things, taken a few hard knocks, and I can't go back. As difficult as that is, because we all have nostalgia for "the way things were" and are sentimental about how good/easier/simpler things used to be, you can't go back. Now is the time to press on. To grow, to expand, to take the knowledge that I now have and put it to use. It's doing no good just sitting around. Like old photographs that need to be put in an album to be appreciated, this knowledge and energy needs to be used to be appreciated. Once put in the album, it can be looked at over and over again, appreciated, studied, and learned from.

it is no longer time to go back. move forward, onward and fearlessly. 

here is to 2012.